You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: heyyy
Stranger: hi
You: SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUp
Stranger: I need some advice
You: mm sure
Stranger: theoretically, if someone were to accidentally scalp their next door neighbor, how would one go about reattatching the scalp/hiding the scalp?
Stranger: Theoretically..
You: you don't, really.
Stranger: what would one do?
Stranger: theoretically.
You: pretend you don't know anything lol.
You: works like a gem
Stranger: I was thinking epoxy, but I don't know how well it will adhere to the open wound.
Stranger: but the neighbor is still alive... they'll tell people.
You: ah shit that's bad.
Stranger: and the neighbor - theoretically - is pregnant
You: this is getting more and more shitty dude.
You: solution : KILL HER
Stranger: and may or may not have fallen, accidentally down a lot of stairs and landed unfortunately on a wire hanger
You: trust me, a nurse can do it ALL
Stranger: how much would you estimate an unborn, 8 month old male fetus would go for on the black market
You: $3 hands down
Stranger: What about if I included the scalp of the mother?
You: $6.50
You: scalp is pretty valuable
Stranger: Are you in need of a scalp and a fetus?
Stranger: well fed fetus, nicely conditioned scalp
You: nah i'll settle with the scalp
Stranger: asain.
You: asain?
Stranger: very nice hair, asian baby, very skilled
You: ah, asian baby, that would be $1.50 instead of $3
You: sorry to burst yo bubble
You: I reckon this is from a movie, a book, anywhere except your current life?
Stranger: WTF YOU RACIST, BRO?
Stranger: uhh.. yeah...
You: naw I was just kiddin' yo
Stranger: just something I heard...
You: from a friend?
You: 'cause that's gotta suck
Stranger: sure, a friend
You: ahhh
You: mid-life crisis. scalp and an asian baby
You: this friend of yours, is he in any way gay?
Stranger: I got 30 packets of sugar for sale... if ya know what I mean.
You: I'll pretend I don't.
Stranger: I DIDNT HEAR IT FROM A FUCKING FRIEND. I JUST SERIOUSLY NEED TO GET RID OF THIS ROTTING SCALP AND MANGLED BABY. JUST TAKE THE FUCKING BABY.
You: I can't man, my wife's pregnant.
You: She can't take care of two kids are 19.
You: at*
Stranger: ones dead.
Stranger: how hard could it be
Stranger: it doesnt eat, you eat it.
Stranger: OH SHIT...
Stranger: was your wife asian...?
You: well....
You: can we not talk about this? 'cause my wife
You: is like in the hospital now.
Stranger: no shit, you would be too if you didn't have a scalp.
You: she said a guy bumped into her the other day, they told me it's nothing serious but after hearing you out, ahhhh.
You: I do, really.
Stranger: do really what?
You: have a friggin' scalp
Stranger: I know. I said you'd be in the hospital too if you DIDNT
You: OKAY STOP IT WITH SCALP TALK
You: not funny 'cause you might be in big trouble comrade
Stranger: WE AREN'T TALKING ABOUT SCALPS, WE ARE TALKING ABOUT THE LACK OF SCALPS
Stranger: comrade. that means you're in this with me now.
You: YOU SURE YOU UNDERSTAND THE TECHNICALITY OF IT ALL?
Stranger: if I go down you're goin with me.
You: please, don't do this.
You: my dad has been in jail, I don't wanna follow his footsteps.
You: In any way. A baby, or the 'lack of scalp'.
Stranger: we ain't goin to jail
Stranger: that's why we need to dispose of this shit
You: I can't help you man.
Stranger: but you called me comrade.
Stranger: we're in this together
Stranger: til death do us part
You: WELL SORRY FOR MY WRONG CHOICE OF WORDS
Stranger: in sickness and in loss of scalp
You: if this asian pregnant lady happens to be my wife, and a friggin' scandalous guy, you're going down ALONE
You: sorry to burst your second bubble.
Stranger: I have to do something with this.
You: SHIP IT TO THAILAND FOR CHRIST'S SAKE
Stranger: I have your IP address, so I can contact you if I need your help or I get caught
Stranger: THEORETICALLY, THE DEAD ASIAN FETUS WAS THAI
Stranger: YOU'RE FUCKING SICK, MAN. I'M NOT SENDING A DEAD FETUS BACK TO ITS HOMELAND
You: WHY DO YOU KEEP ADDING SALT TO THE WOUND
You: go for taiwan or something man
Stranger: THE ONLY WOUND IS THIS ASIAN WOMAN'S MISSING SCALP
Stranger: half taiwanese, you insensitive ajckass
You: GO FOR VEGAS THEN
Stranger: too close.
You: you can't tell me they have a relative there
You: FRIGGIN MARS BRO
Stranger: I can tell you whatever the fuck I want.
You: well then, solution = disconnect
Stranger: I'm dangerous. I've tracked down your coordinates.
Stranger: your problem now, bro.
You: fuck that man
You: i've had too many stalkers in my life
You: so um, goodbye.
Stranger: see ya on the news.
You: i ain't going nowhere
Stranger: dont act surprised when you get the fetus and scalp in your mailbox
You: yeah i won't, 'cause my grandpa's gonna be the one getting a heart-attack
Stranger: if you tell anyone about this conversation, your nappy scalp is next. you little fucker.
You: blame technology for a chat log k
Stranger: BLAME TECHNOLOGY FOR MAKING IT SO EASY FOR ME TO GET YOUR EXACT LOCATION ON THE FUCKING EARTH.
Stranger: WEAR A HAT TO BED, COMRADE.
You: and now you're playing with words.
You: if I get prosecuted, you're going with me.
You: 'till death do us apart' WHO SAID THAT HUH
Stranger: death is soon approaching for you, fucker.
Stranger: send my apologies to your wife about the baby. I swear it wasn't intentional.
You: sure yeah, she's totally gonna be living and breathing in the next 5 days. totally.
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