Everything's funny

I feel empty. I always feel empty but today it feels worse, like a pang of realization just hit me
Yesterday at night time, Keith asked me 'Have you ever thought about what your purpose in life is? Like why do you stay alive?' and I guess that made me consider things again
With all honesty, I've never seen purpose in life
I don't see why I need to live
Sometimes I manage to convince myself to stay for the potential adventure
But now I don't see it anymore, I can't believe it anymore, because we're - I am never given the freedom to explore the depths of this world
On second thought, maybe I am but I don't fulfill what I desire
Maybe it's because I haven't found that one thing that makes me happy
Everybody has that one thing
I don't have that one thing
I think, it's art of course
But 'art' never succeeds to make me feel.. Filled
I've never seen purpose in life but I've never thought about ending it either, because a part of me believes that a bright future awaits me
But now I'm not so sure anymore if I'm ever going to meet with that bright future that everyone promises me of
I'm not so sure anymore if there is something that makes me happy
Truly happy
Not just laugh or smile at
I've gone so far, I've kept so many hobbies, I can't find it
I want it because I don't think I can manage with this emptiness any longer
I don't think I can hold on to this sliver of hope and faith that keeps me going, just barely

I'm so numb I'm not capable of anything
I just want it again, I just want to feel pain again, I just want to feel something
Anything at all
I'm incapable of feeling
Maybe I am, I just don't realize it
I'm incapable of feeling happy, that's it
Why am I even living
I want a reason to still be here
Nobody can provide me with a reason

Yes I am capable of feelings
I saw Kim's name yesterday in a text
Maybe that's what kindled this emptiness
Maybe that's what dug into this deep pit of sadness even deeper
When I had hope, when I finally had trust in something, somebody
It was taken away
Maybe that's what left me like this
Sprawled across a dark canvas, numb, sad